Narcissistic abuse can lead to feeling unworthy and can lead you to believe that you are not good enough. It may also lead to imposture syndrome.
Narcissists make you feel that there is something wrong with you, while in reality, they are the weird ones.
Narcissists take away your sense of self and identity and any self respect you have.
Most targets of narcissists are kind and empathetic people who care about others. Learning to stop looking outward and just inward takes time for narcissistic abuse survivors. Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction.
So let us look at 12 strategies to look inward and focus on ourselves and not worry about what others think.
1.Understand that very few people truly understand narcissistic abuse.
Unless you are a survivor of narcissistic abuse, it is very difficult to understand it.
You have to suffer the consequences of narcissistic abuse alone. Others are not living your life. When you struggle with mental, emotional, and physical illnesses caused by narcissistic abuse, nobody will care for you. So why waste your time thinking about them.
There is a saying “Don’t take criticsm from people you don’t take advise from”.
The journey to recovery can also be very lonely. So respect yourself and take care of yourself first.
You deserve to make yourself a priority after narcissistic abuse. Focus on improving yourself every day, one small thing at a time.
2. Others are as flawed as you.
Other people whose judgment you worry too much about are as human as you. They are fragile human beings who can die without a few seconds of oxygen. We are all actually that irrelevant.
Nobody is that important. The world has moved on even after the death of the legends. Nobody is that special or relevant. So don’t fear other people’s judgment.
3. Quit the social media platforms that are not important to you.
Social media is basically seeking validation from others. Try living without that, at least without a few platforms for a few months.
Quit all platforms that are not important to you. Quitting all social media platforms may not be possible for you, so try to remain on only the necessary ones—ones that are important for your work.
Quitting these platforms is basically you saying, “I respect myself enough and I don’t need others to dictate the worth of my life.”
Social media is actually multiple people interacting with you simultaneously. It can be very draining for introverts or people seeking some quiet time.
4. Try spending as little time as possible with people who judge you.
These people may or not be narcissists. They could be toxic positivity people too, who don’t understand narcissistic abuse. They could be enablers of narcissists. Don’t try to explain yourself to such people.
Trust your feelings and gut. When people try to ignore or put down your experience as life, don’t believe them. Try to join support groups and be in spaces that validate your experience.
5. In a few years, the thoughts that bother you now may become irrelevant.
Understand that ultimately you hold more power than any narcissist over you.
No bully or narcissist has the power over you once you understand their game. Nobody can embarrass/belittle you until you decide to.
You should only be embarrassed about the wrong things you did. You do not have to carry someone else’s shame for them. Most narcissistic accusations are projections. Narcissists will accuse you of things they are guilty of.
With more healing, maybe you can probably analyze things better and not overlook the irrelevant stuff.
6. What someone thinks about you is up to them. You have no control over it.
Even if they think the worst of you, so what? We are participating in a popularity contest. Our goal in life should be to live our lives in peace and happiness.
It has nothing to do with how others think of you or you do not give others that power.
7. Understand that not all thoughts are worth giving importance to.
Narcissistic abuse can lead to an imposture syndrome and lack of self-respect. Hence, it is only natural to think you are the weird one and that there is fundamentally something wrong with you. Understand that it is just a thought.
Not all thoughts are correct or factual. It is what one feels at that moment in time. Maybe you are going through a depressive state.
For some women, a week before periods can lead to depressevise moods(PMDD, PTSD).
8. Decenter men/religion/job.
If you are raised in a collectivistic culture where family/religions play a more central role than individuals, irrespective of how an individual suffers in an institution like family/marriage, they are taught to adjust and suffer.
Only a few sections of people benefit from such systems and they want to continue exploiting them.
If you are born and raised in such systems, “what will others think” will become a crucial part of your identity. Learn to stay away from such a mentality and catch yourself thinking that way.
You and your needs should be the priority in your life. Anyone teaching you that is selfish is problematic.
9. Don’t overshare.
The more you share, the more answerable you feel when explaining yourself to others.
You do not have to share every minute decision of your life with others. Start with small things . Then, move on to bigger decisions. Only inform people relevant to the information or people important to you.
Take advice from people who have actually been on the path you are keen to take.
10. Try to do something you never tried because you were afraid of judgment from others.
Start small. it could be singing karaoke in public or public speaking or starting a business. This is a small way you can teach yourself not to worry too much about other people’s opinions.
11. Create a routine and Use your time wisely.
To unnecessarily not waste your time thinking what others think about you. Make a weekly, daily, or monthly plan and try to stick to it.
Make goals assuming nobody is judging you and it will not matter even if you fail.
12. Focus on your healing.
Daily journaling and meditating can do wonders for your mental health and clarity. It will help you stick to your original plan or make good pivots from them.
Focus on your mental and emotional well-being rather than wasting your energy on other people who may or may not be judging you.
Additional Resources:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/mental-shifts-to-stop-caring-what-people-think-of-you
https://hbr.org/2019/05/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you
https://www.muriellemarie.com/blog/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you
https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-2016-7
https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/how-to-stop-worrying-what-other-people-think-of-you.html