Just because you are sad doesn’t mean you are depressed. In the same way, admiring yourself or believing in yourself doesn’t make you narcissistic.
There are various types of narcissism, the most dangerous being malignant narcissism, which can even involve life-threatening abuse. In real life, the most common narcissists I have seen are either vulnerable or grandiose.
1.For simplicity, we can broadly classify narcissists as vulnerable and grandiose.
Grandiose Narcissists think they are better than others-not by merit but by birth. A great example would be the openly sexist, racist, classist ones we see in our pop culture.
Vulnerable Narcissists see themselves as perpetual victims. Their underlying thought process is that nobody sees their greatness. They believe that they did not get the right opportunities to prove themselves.
They are usually the jealous types that cannot even stand the achievements of even a total stranger. They are usually shy and underconfident. They may also have social anxiety. These are the people we least expect narcissism from. We often associate the word narcissism with the grandiose ones.
Contrary to popular belief, both types of Narcissists are highly insecure. Hence they have to put others down to feel better about themselves.
2.The best way to know if someone is a narcissist is to observe how they make you feel.
After a conversation with a Narcissist, I always feel exhausted. They are like Dementors in Harry Potter. They suck the joy and life out of you.
- Are you anxious around them?
- Are you hypervigilant?
- Can you speak without the fear of being misunderstood or misquoted?
Observe how your body reacts to being in their presence.
Narcissists don’t have conversations. They collect information to use against you at a convenient time. They are looking to find your vulnerabilities. They want to find out your weaknesses while being blind to theirs.
Why? Because they can’t stand the thought of someone better than them. Trying to find fault in others gives them a sense of superiority.
3.Narcissists do not have the empathy to understand the hurt caused to anyone other than themselves.
But they can mimic empathy. They are great actors. They know what will make them look good to others. Narcissists surround themselves with empathetic people they can manipulate and copy.
4.Look for the smirk on their face after they hurt you. It will give all their acting away.
They know exactly what they are doing. The only time you can see pure joy in them is after they have hurt you. They may not accept it if confronted. They will never take responsibility for their bad behavior, so don’t expect any apology. They believe that you deserved that treatment.
5.In the presence of Narcissists, you will feel like you are under magnifying glasses.
Any error from you will be treated like a grave crime. If you are born and raised in such environments, don’t be surprised if you will have anxiety disorders. Read more about how to build self-esteem after narcissistic abuse here.
Finding fault when there is absolutely nothing wrong is their superpower.
6.Narcissists will pick on everyone and everything related to you and your likings.
They are masters at projecting their insecurities onto others. They try hard to prove you are bad at things. Surrounding yourself with such people will create new insecurities you never thought of before. Don’t be surprised if you have developed Imposture Syndrome due to Narcissistic relationships.
They will pick on your looks, intelligence, skillsets, etc. They have no shame in lying about you to others to make you look bad. They start rumors based on how they want the world to see you.
7.Are you wondering if you are a narcissist? The answer is most likely you are not. Narcissists don’t have that level of self-awareness.
To understand more about narcissism, refer the links below:
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V87G95bGTTk