Narcissistic relationships resemble the death of one’s individuality. Narcissistic relationships only have one person , i.e the narcissist. You are considered a side piece to make the narcissist look good.
Healing from narcissistic relationships is like rising from the dead.
I am reminded of the lyrics of the Taylor Swift song ‘Look what you made me do’. It goes like this.
‘Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time. ‘
This easter, let us remind ourselves of what we are capable of and rise up from the ashes.
We already have articles on how to improve productivity, self-care, self-esteem, and financial independence after narcissistic abuse.
This article covers all the above important points and more.
Let us look at 12 strategies to resurrect ourselves after narcissistic relationships.
1.Low contact/No contact/Gray rock
Try to going no contact with the narcissists in your life if possible. Otherwise you can try low-contact. It is communicating only when absiolutely necessary in narcissistic relationships.
You can also try practicing gray rock, which is not sharing anything important with the narcissist nor taking any comments from narcissists personally. It is basically not reacting to the narcissists.
2. Take a break from social media and the news for a while.
Tragic news about injustices can sometimes trigger victims of narcissistic abuse, leading to increased insecurity, fear, and a sense of lack of safety among survivors. Consider quitting the news during the initial stages of your healing journey.
Alternatively, you can skim the headlines of major events without delving into the details of every tragic incident.
Similarly, social media can trigger feelings of loss as you compare your life to others or observe narcissists leading seemingly happy lives.
Stop following narcissists on social media and filter out the people you follow. If you feel safe enough, you can gradually reintroduce social media into your life.
3. Join a support group.
When people share the experience the same kind of abuse, they not only validate your feelings but also give you a strong belief that it was not your fault.
Join any narcissistic abuse survivor support group online or offline. Listen to other people’s experiences in narcissistic relationships and pay close attention to what they are doing to overcome the trauma.
There can be different kinds of narcissistic abuse and narcissistic relationships. So you may find people who have experienced similar kinds of relationships as you did.
You can even look for specific narcissistic relationship survivor groups such as children of narcissistic parents or people with narcissistic partners.
You can read more about the benefits of support groups from the academic papers below:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10078724/
4. Educate yourself more on narcissism.
If you have just discovered narcissism and narcissistic relationships, try to read and learn more about it.
There are a lot of free resources online, such as this website, and also by Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She even has a healing program.
Knowledge is power. Learn how to deal with these monsters and protect yourself. There are different kinds of narcissists and different ways to deal with them in various situations.
Equip yourself with such information to lead a better quality of life.
5. Seek therapy or a healing program for narcissistic abuse.
Seek help to heal your trauma from narcissistic relationships. You can join a healing program, use journal prompts, and try guided meditations.
You can also approach a therapist with expertise in narcissistic abuse.
You can read more about the benefits of guided meditaion from the academic papers below:
6. Practice self-compassion.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to be kind to yourself. There could be a lot of physical, mental, and emotional issues you can develop as a result of narcissistic abuse. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and you may not be able to perform the way you want.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Nobody else knows exactly what you went through better than yourself, so you need to be the most kind to yourself.
You can find a step-by-step guide in the book from leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, ‘Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself’.
7. Give yourself time to heal and process.
Being abused for years, for some people even since their birth, taking a few years out of your life for yourself is something you should do without any guilt.
Do not see the time you are taking to get back to your normal self as a waste of time.
8. Focus on self-care activities.
We have a whole article written on self-care. You can read it here. Self-care activities don’t have to be very time-consuming or expensive.
They can be small activities—like, if your hygiene has been neglected, try taking a shower every day or brushing your teeth every day.
Make a small change, try to implement it until it becomes a habit, and then add another change. Don’t overwhelm yourself trying to change too much.
9. Don’t entertain enablers/flying monkeys.
When you go no-contact or low-contact with narcissists, they will send their flying monkeys to figure out what happened.
Do not entertain the enablers of narcissists. Do not try to explain your decision to them as well.
They are on the narcissist’s side, remember. They may pretend to be nice to you, but don’t fall for the trap.
10. Try to do something new everyday.
Trying new things improves your confidence, reduces your fear of the unknown, and enhances your cognitive capabilities.
It can be something as simple as cooking a new dish or taking a new route to work, or something you always wanted to do but were scared of judgment from the narcissists.
11. Create a routine.
A routine can help you be more efficient and can prevent you from falling into a rumination cycle.
You can start with a 2-3 step morning routine to set the tone for the day, such as brushing your teeth, combing your hair, and skincare.
Keep it simple so that you can easily accomplish it every day. After a while, you can add new steps to it.
12. Start setting small goals.
Set small goals and try to achieve them on a regular or weekly basis. This can give you a sense of accomplishment and boost your confidence.
Planning your day ahead can give you something to look forward to each day. It can also help you avoid wasting time on rumination.
Hope these tips can help you at least in a small way. These are the strategies that helped me tremendously in my journey of healing. Remember that healing is never linear. All the very best for your future.
Additional Resources about healing from narcissistic abuse:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv54DgfzfsE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT1GzRmR1rk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUWLHs7QJB0
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse/