Learning to stand up for yourself is the first thing you should start doing after learning about narcissistic abuse.
It is one of the ways in which you can protect yourself from new narcissists in the future and the old ones from your past.
It is basically learning to respect yourself again after narcissistic abuse. As narcissistic abuse victims, we can sometimes feel shame and guilt that we allowed these narcissists to treat us badly to begin with.
Always remember that it was not your fault. Narcissists used our ability to love and empathize against us.
Let us look at 10 ways we can learn to stand up for ourselves after narcissistic abuse:
1. Express your disagreement and discomfort.
Do not feel guilty about expressing that you do not feel comfortable doing something. Express that you did not like it.
Express if you do not agree with a certain opinion or decision.
2. Express your needs.
Be very clear about what you want. As an empath, you may think a lot before voicing your wants and needs, but make sure you express your needs clearly.
It could be something as simple as what you want to do during a vacation or something serious, like what you expect from a relationship.
3. Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault.
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you might have trained yourself to apologize as a way to stop arguing with a narcissist or to avoid narcissistic rage.
Stop being apologetic for things that aren’t your fault. Don’t say sorry unnecessarily. Catch yourself doing that and correct it slowly.
4. Do not endure disrespect.
Do not tolerate disrespect. If possible, call out the disrespect then and there, or walk away if you don’t want to deal with it.
You can demand to be treated with respect at all times and in all places. You need to believe that nobody has the right to disrespect you.
5. Set boundaries.
Boundary setting is the most important skill required when it comes to dealing with people in your life.
Be sure to be very clear about how much you will allow others in your life — what kind of people you will allow and in what areas.
There can be different methods of setting boundaries with narcissists, such as no contact, low contact, stonewalling, and grey rocking.
6. Walk away if needed.
You do not have to beg or request to be respected. You can walk away from people who do not want to acknowledge that they have hurt you.
You can go no contact or low contact, depending on the situation, without feeling any guilt.
7. Say no without guilt.
You must not feel obliged to do things you are not comfortable doing. You might feel bad about saying no to people close to you, like your family or close friends.
Be very clear about your limits and boundaries and how much you will allow people to influence you.
8. Voice your opinions.
As a narcissistic abuse victim, we shrink ourselves a lot more than we think. Start giving your opinions on things; you can start small in safe spaces.
Our silence and pulling ourselves inward is letting all the narcissists in your life win. Being able to be yourself should be one of the biggest goals to achieve after narcissistic abuse.
9. Make sure you are not giving too much of yourself to anyone.
Helping others and being compassionate are great qualities, but make sure you set a limit when you are helping others.
Do not drain yourself completely. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Narcissists have already drained you enough. Be very careful about who you give your time and energy to.
10. Your first priority should be you.
Anybody or anything that comes at the cost of your mental, emotional, or physical well-being is not worth it. Remind yourself of this at all times.
Additional Resources:
https://selectpsychology.co.uk/blog/mental-health/how-to-stand-up-for-yourself/
https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-stand-up-for-yourself
https://www.success.com/10-powerful-ways-to-stand-up-for-yourself-in-any-situation/
https://donnashinwellness.com/how-to-trust-yourself-again-after-narcissistic-abuse/