The holiday season can feel like an exam if you are part of a narcissistic family system. For most people, the holidays are eagerly anticipated, a time of celebration everywhere.
However, for those born into narcissistic family systems, this is a period they dread the most. It’s the time when narcissists may trigger you, especially if they had limited access to you throughout the year.
This, after all, was the month in which families began tightening and closing and sealing; from Thanksgiving to the New Year, everybody’s world contracted, day by day, into the microcosmic single festive household, each with its own rituals and obsessions, rules and dreams. You didn’t feel you could call people. They didn’t feel they could phone you. How does one cry for help from these seasonal prisons?
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So, how will you reclaim your holidays from Narcissists? Let’s explore. Here are 5 ways to make your holidays happier:
1. If possible, don’t spend time with narcissistic people this holiday season.
We all know the best way to deal with narcissists is to avoid them altogether. You can always enjoy the holiday season alone.
Society might have gaslighted you into believing that you need people around to celebrate, but this is not necessarily true. Sometimes, having peace of mind is more than enough for a happy holiday season.
Sure, you might grieve not having a healthy family to spend it with, but understand that in the future, you can build your own family or social circle.
2. If attending family events during the holiday season, keep interactions limited.
Do not share any good or bad news with narcissists. Keep conversations as shallow as possible.
Don’t react; just respond. They will try to trigger you multiple times, so stand your ground. When you don’t react the way they want, they will eventually get bored.
Keep your emotions neutral—don’t get angry, sad, or happy. If you want, you can always respond with a smirk without saying anything.
Don’t take any of their comments personally. Instead, you can turn it into a game, counting how many times they try to irritate you. Find entertainment in the disappointment of such people.
Set and define your boundaries before attending these events. Be clear about behaviors you will not tolerate. If they cross the line or display dangerous behaviors, you can leave. Don’t feel the need to explain yourself; just get up and go.
Try to spend as little time as possible with such people. Leave as soon as you can.
3. Do not engage with them at all if you are not meeting narcissists for the holiday season.
Don’t buy or send them any gifts or cards. Use that money to treat yourself or your loved ones, or consider making a charitable donation.
Don’t entertain their phone calls or texts during the holidays. Delay responding to their calls or texts until you have enough energy to tolerate their nonsense if needed.
Block them on all social media. Stay away from their ‘Family Groups’ on social media.
4. Create your own parties and traditions for the Holiday Season, inviting those you genuinely enjoy spending time with.
Forge your own traditions with beloved people. An example is the ‘Pilgrim Rick’ episode from the show ‘This Is Us.’
This episode unveils the origin of the Pearsons’ unconventional Thanksgiving traditions. In a flashback scene, Jack, Rebecca, and their three children head to Rebecca’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving.
When they couldn’t make it on time due to a flat tire, Rebecca faced anger for supposedly ruining the Thanksgiving dinner.
Fed up, she decides they won’t be showing up, and she and Jack realize they will be spending the night at a creepy lodge across the street.
Pilgrim Rick, a character in a pilgrim hat, manages the place. The room’s heat only has one setting: high. There’s no food except for cold hot dogs, Kraft singles, and saltines. It turns into an unmitigated disaster until Jack saves the day.
Wearing Pilgrim Rick’s hat, he tells goofy stories, and they have an indoor picnic with cheese dogs, watching ‘Police Academy 3.’ They go around the room expressing what they’re thankful for while tearing up Kate’s itchy sweater.
Back in the present, all these moments have become Thanksgiving Day staples for the Pearsons, hiking 3.4 miles, making cheese dogs, and watching ‘Police Academy 3.’
Just like the Pearsons, reclaim your holidays. Establish your own traditions with the people you love and cherish.
This could involve baking or cooking a special recipe, going for a hike, watching a particular movie, playing a board game, or making a simple family ornament each year.
5. This Holiday Season, be kinder to yourself.
Take a few days off just for yourself. You may not have the kind of family you wanted. Grieve that.
Try to think of ways in which holidays can add more meaning to your life. Instead of seeing it as a time of dread, indulge in things that make you happy, and consider participating in community activities.
Engage in self-care activities that help you de-stress and recharge after challenging interactions with narcissists. Read more about self-care strategieshere.
For more information about dealing with Narcissists during the Holiday Season, go through the links below:
https://www.onemomsbattle.com/blog/the-narcissist-and-the-holidays
https://medium.com/beloved/why-do-narcissists-ruin-holidays-2b36ebcddf3b