After understanding narcissism and narcissistic abuse and beginning your healing journey, you’ll start noticing that not many people are aware of the intricacies of narcissistic abuse.
You may even notice more narcissists and narcissistic traits in people within your social circle. Your social circle may shrink considerably.
This is okay because it’s highly possible that you attracted narcissistic people into your life.
You may also face problems from people who are non-narcissistic. They might not understand the reasoning behind your decisions to set boundaries or go no contact. They may deem your actions as extreme.
Let’s look into 10 scenarios where non-narcissistic and seemingly unproblematic people may hurt you for no longer being a doormat.
Most likely, these people are enablers of narcissists or are very agreeable and kind.
1. When You No Longer Comply
As you heal, you may become very clear on what is acceptable and what is not. When you start openly expressing your disagreements, it may leave a sour taste for these non-narcissistic folks.
2. When You No Longer Tolerate Mistreatment
There may be instances where these people have taken you for granted, assuming you would tolerate it as before.
Once you express your disappointment in their treatment, they may paint you as the villain.
3. When You Start Expressing Your Needs
For such people, this behavior of yours might be new. They may not be comfortable expressing their own needs, so they might interpret your newfound assertiveness as arrogance or as asking too much.
4. When You Set Boundaries with Narcissists
They may be harsh on you for going no contact with narcissists or for standing up for yourself in front of the narcissist.
5. When They Watch Narcissists Abuse You but Do Nothing
Narcissistic abuse has been normalized for so long that it feels familiar to them. Your new, assertive behavior might make them uncomfortable.
6. They Are More Concerned with Keeping Appearances
They may prioritize maintaining an impeccable public image, such as that of a perfect family or friend circle.
They believe in getting along with others, without realizing how much that costs you.
7. They Believe in Forgiveness
They believe that you must forgive, no matter what, because that’s what they do.
The problem is, you may be the scapegoat of the narcissist and face the brunt of the abuse, while they may never even see that side of the narcissist.
8. Their Own Personal Biases—Sexism, Racism, Classism—May Cloud Their Judgment and Sense of Fairness
For example, if you’re a woman taking strong stances and setting harsh boundaries, it may be deemed “too much.” They may constantly underplay your struggles and claim it’s “normal.”
9. Narcissists Treat Them Differently
Narcissists aren’t bad to everyone. Anyone they perceive as more powerful will be shown respect, at least temporarily.
These people may interact with your narcissist only in a limited capacity and will never see the full extent of their behavior.
10. They Believe There Is Good in Everyone
They don’t want to acknowledge the fact that, aside from psychopaths, there are many people who are incapable of love and empathy.
Most religions even teach this belief. They will continue giving second and third chances until they personally experience severe narcissistic abuse.
You do not have to tolerate people who will never take your side or even try to understand your point of view. Most of the time, for such people, empathy and second chances are mostly reserved for narcissists.
Do not feel guilty about setting boundaries with non-narcissistic people. You may have a small or even non-existent social circle for a while after healing.
Remember, your previous social circle was built over decades, so starting anew may take time.
Don’t feel discouraged. You will find empathetic people along the way. It may take time, but trust your instincts.
Only give your energy and time to people who deserve it.
References:
https://www.quora.com/When-you-finally-decided-to-stop-being-a-doormat-what-did-you-do
https://medium.com/@mzkagan/how-to-stop-being-a-doormat-start-living-like-a-badass-a5ba24ded66d
