Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing in ‘Friends’ |YouTube screengrab

How “Friends” helped me?

“Friends” was the first American series that I ever completed watching, and I’ve almost rewatched it ten times.

Although I had watched a few episodes here and there, I had not started watching this show properly until I turned 20.

It’s quite a coincidence that I started watching a show about “adulting” just as I became an adult.

It was a dark period, and I can’t recall a series that made me laugh so much. The show single-handedly helped me with my rumination.

The humor of the show made me forget about all the bad stuff that happened to me, at least temporarily.

“Friends” was my escape when I was surrounded by narcissistic roommates. Watching this show transported me to another world. The show helped me get through college.

What I learned from “Friends”?

1. This show opened my eyes to what healthy, realistic friendships can look like.

I grew up with a lot of narcissistic people around me. So I never had a model for a ‘healthy relationship’ except for very few people. I never had a friend who was not either a narcissist or an enabler. 

2. It made me feel less isolated.

I appreciated the honesty of the characters. Their flaws were depicted as if they didn’t matter and added to their personalities. This was refreshing for someone who had been constantly criticized for every minor fault or personality quirk. It made me feel less isolated. Narcissists make you feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s wrong. 

3. The show made me realize I don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

This show taught me that it’s okay to be imperfect, goofy, and a little crazy. You can be as quirky as Phoebe, and there will be people who accept you instead of bullying you.

4. I learned that I am not what other people define me. I can carve my own path.

My favourite line from the show is of Rachel when she tells her dad,

It’s like all my life everyone’s told me, You’re a shoe! You’re a shoe! You’re a shoe! Well, what if I don’t want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat?

She just explained gaslighting so well.

Rachel gave me the strength to run away to a new, unknown city and start a new life there. It encouraged me to escape my present situation and gave me hope that somewhere in the world, I would be accepted. 

 

Now coming to my favourite character in the series-Chandler Bing, he is a walking-talking green flag.

Why ? Here are my 5 reasons.

1. Chandler Bing has issues but does not burden others with them.

Chandler Bing was portrayed as a flawed character who went through a massive transformation. He hides behind humor, not hurting others. He mostly self-sabotages. He does not expect support from others. He never behaves entitled.

He is human, like all of us. He is not the prince charming or the manly heroes we are so used to seeing on television. He portrays a fresh take on masculinity.

I initially liked him because Chandler is the character with whom I most resonated throughout the entire series. I was a socially awkward, anxious person in my 20s.

He was goofy, funny, and passed off self-deprecating jokes, as was my personality before discovering narcissism.

 

2. He is self-aware.

When given support in the form of Monica, he is ready to accept the support and change for the better. He grew as the relationship developed. He is open to learning and ready to change his unhealthy ways.

By the halfway point of the show, he was in a healthy relationship and marriage and became a father to twins by the end of it.

 

3.Chandler Bing understands and values his partner.

He knew how much Monica wanted kids. He went out of his way to convince Erica to give them the baby. He tried to clean her apartment when they started dating. 

He tried to hire help for Monica, even though she usually refused cleaning assistance. He found someone who was just as obsessed with cleaning as she was. He is a perfect team player in a relationship.

 4. He shows courage to pursue a career he wants. 

He becomes confident enough to pursue his dreams when he knows he has support. He let go of his safety-seeking behaviors and started taking risks in life. Maybe deep down, he admired Joey for living his life without a care in this world.

5.Chandler Bing is kind and generous.

He treats Joey like family and believes in him. He gives Joey the support he never got in his childhood.

 

RIP Matthew Perry. Thank you for all the laughs, for Chandler Bing.