Unraveling the 7 Stages of the Failure Cycle in Narcissistic Environments

Most people fail because of their surroundings and the people they choose to be around in their lives.

― Anuj Jasani

This article is meant to shed light on the impact of narcissistic abuse. Many failures in our lives that we face can be due to narcissistic abuse, and not because you are crazy, stupid, or lazy.

Do you look at others and wonder why you can’t achieve what they have achieved?

It is not necessarily because they are smarter or harder working than you. Look at their environment. It may not be possible to fully understand their environment. Perhaps they had a supportive family or other support systems. They may not have suffered from any mental health crises.

Please do not compare yourself to other people and feel more sad, guilty, or unworthy, especially if you were subjected to narcissistic abuse. Remember, narcissists target you not because you lack talent, but because you make them insecure.

Instead, consider it as though you’ve suffered from a serious illness—would you shame yourself for working slowly or breaking down?

Just like two plants kept in the same environment with the same resources won’t grow the same way, each person’s journey is unique. Some need shade, while others thrive in direct sunlight. Your environment is a major factor often overlooked on your path to achieving anything.

Sometimes, years of narcissistic abuse, particularly if experienced from narcissistic caregivers, can have a snowballing effect on our lives.

They say, ‘Failures are the stepping stones to success.’ We often hear only success stories after enduring failures.

However, in some cases, one failure can lead to even more severe failures and strip away your confidence and self-perception, especially if you are surrounded by narcissists.

Table of Contents

Let’s delve into seven stages of a vicious cycle of failures in Narcissistic Environments:

1. Not recognizing that you are being abused

Lack of knowledge about narcissistic abuse is a significant factor in why individuals internalize and personalize everything narcissists tell them.

It’s crucial to understand that there are various personalities around us, and criticism should only be valued from certain types of people.

Narcissists exploit our empathy and ability to self-introspect, controlling us through confusion.

During the abuse, you may lose your sense of self and self-esteem.

2. Impostor Syndrome

As an empathetic and self-critical individual, you may find yourself susceptible to impostor syndrome, especially in the presence of narcissists. They seize every opportunity, big or small, to instill insecurity within you.

For every small victory you achieve, they are quick to attribute it to luck or external factors, undermining your talents and efforts. Consequently, this constant invalidation breeds low self-esteem and a belief that you don’t deserve success.

Experiencing failure can exacerbate impostor syndrome, as it seems to validate the narcissist’s doubts about you.

It’s important to remember that failure is a part of life for everyone, not just you. The insecurities of narcissists often stem from their own failures, yet they refuse to allow you the same grace.

Ultimately, you only attain what you truly believe you deserve. Therefore, this attitude is a significant factor contributing to failure.

3. Discouragement before Attempting Something Significant

Many narcissists, out of jealousy, will attempt to scare or discourage you from pursuing something significant. This constant discouragement only serves to empower your impostor syndrome.

4. Failure as an Opportunity for more Narcissistic Harassment

Following a failure, the narcissists in your life often view it as a golden opportunity to intensify their harassment. Your already weakened self-esteem post-failure makes you more susceptible to their manipulations.

It may feel as if the whole world is now aware of your perceived shortcomings, further strengthening your impostor syndrome.

Those narcissists who previously refrained from speaking ill of you or showing appreciation will seize this chance to inflict pain.

5. Susceptibility to More Narcissists

You become increasingly tolerant and accommodating of more narcissists in your life, believing you deserve to be treated poorly due to a perceived fundamental flaw within yourself.

6. Losing Yourself Mentally, Emotionally, and Physically

The more harassment and narcissistic abuse you endure, the more you lose your sense of self. You begin to set your expectations for yourself very low and may develop health issues, whether physical or mental.

7. More Failures and Lack of Clarity

Experiencing more and more narcissistic abuse can result in poor decision-making and a general lack of clarity about your aspirations.

Success often requires focus and determination, qualities that may be hindered by narcissistic abuse due to the development or worsening of mental health issues.

As a result, you may find yourself either remaining in your comfort zone, fearing future failures, or experiencing failure in your next endeavor.

This cycle continues until you heal—seek therapy or educate yourself about narcissistic abuse. Many people only come to understand narcissistic abuse after enduring numerous failures, often learning it the hard way.

The best revenge is to distance yourself from their chaos and focus on your own success. This isn’t about proving anything to the narcissist but to yourself. Consider this a gentle reminder not to waste any more of your precious time on these energy vampires.

Healing can provide you with a new sense of direction, allowing you to pursue something that gives you a sense of purpose. Focus on yourself and what you want to achieve during our brief time on Earth.

Wishing you all the very best with your future endeavors, and may you finally break free from the vicious cycle.

“I never said it was easy to find your place in this world, but I’m coming to the conclusion that if you seek to please others, you will forever be changing because you will never be yourself, only fragments of someone you could be.

You need to belong to yourself, and let others belong to themselves too. You need to be free and detached from things and your surroundings.

You need to build your home in your own simple existence, not in friends, lovers, your career or material belongings, because these are things you will lose one day. That’s the natural order of this world. This is called the practice of detachment.”
― Charlotte Eriksson, Empty Roads & Broken Bottles: in search for The Great Perhaps