This article is all about the terminologies related to narcissistic abuse. Understanding these terminologies helps you understand narcissism better.
Narcissistic abuse involves emotional, physical, sexual, mental, and/or financial abuse. It could be an amalgamation of all these forms of abuse.
Unless you have personally gone through it, it is difficult to explain to others, or for individuals practicing toxic positivity, to understand.
It is a lonely journey, and we are attempting to bring together all the survivors to validate their feelings and experiences.
You can read more on narcissism here.
Here are a few of the narcissistic abuse glossary
Gaslighting
Gaslighting, a term coined from the movie “Gaslight” (1944 film), revolves around a young woman named Paula whose narcissistic husband, Gregory, gradually manipulates her, leading her to believe that she is losing her grip on reality.
At night, he knocks on the walls and dims the gas lighting, but convinces her that she is imagining things.
Gaslighting extends beyond mere lying; it involves the denial or minimization of someone’s experiences and manipulates them into disbelieving their own senses of sight, hearing, thinking, and touch.
Blame-shifting is also recognized as a form of gaslighting.
Some examples of gaslighting could be words like,
“you are overreacting”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re making things up,”
“That never happened,”
“You’re crazy.”
“Calm down”
Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic Supply is the person from whom the narcissist seeks admiration and attention. People with poor boundaries and low self-esteem are a great supply.
These individuals will always put others’ needs first and are people-pleasers, which the narcissist loves.
Lovebombing/Idealization
Lovebombing is the initial phase of a narcissistic relationship where the narcissist puts their victims on a pedestal.
Narcissists will be super sweet, kind, and polite, making promises (which they will never keep). They will treat you better than everyone around and will use you to put down others.
You will be seen as the golden standard. This is a tactic for the narcissist to get inside your social circle.
Narcissistic Discard
Narcissistic Discard may or may not occur for victims of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists will discard individuals if they find a better source of narcissistic supply.
This could happen if they encounter someone who provides them with more attention, or if you cease to be interesting or provide them with attention.
Narcissistic Devalue
Narcissistic Devalue occurs once narcissists establish themselves as your friend, partner, or within your social group.
At this point, they begin to devalue you, seizing every opportunity to belittle and undermine you. This process may start gradually and be difficult to notice at first.
Hoovering
Hoovering occurs when you leave the narcissist, and they persistently attempt to come back to you using other people you know in common. They may stalk you online and offline.
Flying monkeys
Flying monkeys are individuals who are close to both the narcissist and the victim. They act as enablers of the narcissist and often fail to see their manipulative behavior.
Narcissists use these people to manipulate and lure the victim back into their circle.
Blame shifting
Narcissists will never take responsibility for their actions. They will find a way to blame it on their victims.
They may say things like it is because of the victim’s behaviour that they abused them. This is a form of gaslighting.
Word Salad
Word salad is a tactic used by narcissists to derail an argument or conversation, particularly when they are called out for their bad behavior or when the conversation brings about shame for the narcissist.
The narcissist’s words will deliberately lack coherence, or they may end up talking about something not related at all, leaving you bewildered and inclined to abandon attempts at comprehension.
Should you attempt to challenge or correct them, they may act dumb and attribute any misunderstanding to miscommunication.
Coercive control
Coercive control is a strategy used by narcissists involving threats, intimidation, manipulation, abuse, humiliation, and stalking. It creates a dynamic akin to a relationship jail.
For example, taking away someone’s financial independence, making them totally dependent on the narcissist.
Projections
Projections are sometimes confessions. If you want to know what the narcissist is, listen to their accusations. They try to project their insecurities onto others.
As William Shakespeare said,
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
For example, people who hardly have any gold accuse others of gold digging.
Stonewalling
Stonewalling is another tactic used by narcissistic individuals to punish their victims. It could be because the victims talked about something that invoked shame or fear in the narcissist.
Stonewalling, which is the refusal to engage in a conversation or relationship, often involves employing the silent treatment.
Narcissistic amnesia
Narcissistic amnesia refers to the selective memory of narcissists, who remember every good thing they have done for their victims while conveniently forgetting all the abuse they have inflicted on them.
Additionally, narcissists conveniently overlook the good things victims do for them.
Triangulation
Triangulation occurs when the narcissist tries to bring a third person into the relationship to manipulate the victim.
The third person and the victim may never interact or know each other. The narcissist will try to evoke feelings of jealousy in the victim, aiming to make them strive for their attention.
Trauma bonding
Trauma bonding is an emotional attachment with someone that causes you harm. The victim will continue to justify and deny the narcissist’s faults.
This dynamic can be very common in family systems and cults. For example, children with narcissistic parents may take a long time to believe that their parents are narcissistic, or they may find it hard to believe that their siblings are problematic.
The Golden Child
In a narcissistic family system, ‘the golden child’ is given special treatment and affection. The golden child is expected to live up to unrealistic expectations of accomplishment and perfection.
Narcissists perceive this child as a reflection of their own supposed virtues and qualities.
The Scapegoat
The scapegoat is essentially the victim of narcissists within a family structure. They are treated badly and unfairly in contrast to the golden child.
The scapegoat is the person in the family who is blamed for all the problems, made fun of, and humiliated.