Avoiding Narcissistic Partners: Your Ultimate Dating Guide

Dating a narcissistic person (we all can have a few narcissistic traits, but that does not make us narcissists) can have a severe impact on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

Save your time and energy by avoiding selecting narcissistic people as your partners.

We may not be able to control our proximity to narcissistic people in several other aspects of our lives—such as coworkers, bosses, managers, parents, and relatives—but we have the option to choose our friends and our life partner. Be very careful when making such decisions.

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This dating guide can help you identify narcissistic and toxic people. Here are a few ways to figure out if people are actually good or if they are acting.

Safety First

Regardless of whether you trust someone who knows them, you know them personally, or they are an absolute stranger, make sure to meet in a public place. Do not, under any circumstances, go to their home or apartment.

Avoid sharing very personal details, such as your home address, on the first date. Do not overshare during the initial meeting.

Who to date?

If possible, date people you know via mutual friends or try dating people you know in some capacity. This is way better than going out with an absolute stranger.

Even if you are going out with a complete stranger, this guide can help you.

Online information on the person

Perform a quick Google search of their name and see what information comes up.

Check for any contradictions in their conversation based on your research. If you have any doubts, ask specific questions, but avoid sounding accusatory.

Dig a bit deeper into any areas of uncertainty. Remember, our goal is to authenticate the person, not to call out their lies.

Social Media Behavior

Even before meeting someone in person, you can use social media to filter out narcissistic individuals.

In today’s digital age, social media can be a valuable tool for assessing someone’s character (not literally). People often project images of themselves that may not be entirely true.

Review their social media profiles. Pay attention to who they follow, the kind of posts they like or share. Do they openly support problematic individuals, engage in online conflicts, or use abusive language?

If you notice anything remotely sexist, racist, classist, or homophobic, it’s a red flag. These behaviors often indicate a lack of empathy.

Keep in mind that narcissistic people may also try to maintain a favorable public image. They might even pretend to support social movements like feminism or Black Lives Matter to attract potential partners.

Their social media activity can also reveal a lot about their values or what they want others to think they value.

Pay attention to what they post. It provides insight into their value system and what they consider success.

Do they flaunt wealth, such as expensive cars, homes, apartments, or vacations?

How they behave online can be indicative of their behavior offline.

If you don’t notice any red flags, feel free to proceed with the date.

If you notice minor red flags but still want to give them the benefit of the doubt (though it’s highly not recommended), proceed with caution. If you still decide to go on a date with them, make sure to bring up the red flags and dig deeper to understand them better.

First Date Behavior

Look at where they choose to meet. Did they consider your opinion?

Did you have to assert your demands strongly to be heard?

Narcissistic individuals can also be overly polite and sweet in the beginning, making it difficult to recognize narcissistic traits at this stage.

Some narcissists are extremely visibly arrogant and delusional. They will display their selfishness from the first conversation. Pay attention here. This will make it easier for you to identify and eliminate such individuals.

When it comes to narcissists, observe their actions more than their answers. They can manipulate you very easily with words. Observe the little things and how they make you feel.

During the lovebombing phase, they can be very sweet, kind, and polite. They may promise a lot of things which they conveniently forget once you are in a relationship with them.

So instead of paying attention to their answers, look at why they are saying what they say and how they behave towards people around them. Don’t take their answers literally; take them with a pinch of salt.

Can start the date with asking what they do for a living? Look at where the stress goes. Are they excited about their work, the status that comes with it, or are they excited by the money they make?

You can also start the date with questions about food if you are going to a restaurant. Ask about the cuisine. Have they traveled there? Where all have they been? Which is their favorite country? Which culture do they respect? If given a chance, where would they like to live – which country, which city?

Consider the reasons or motivations behind their answers to your questions.

For instance, when inquiring about their favorite country or culture, delve into whether the culture is sexist, racist, or homophobic.

Explore what kind of people might be drawn to such places and why. Understanding the underlying values and beliefs can offer insights into their personality and worldview.

Ask about their other interests—are they considering a career change? What would they do if no one were judging them? Ask why.

The reasons behind their answers are often more intriguing than the answers themselves.

If an individual consistently dominates conversations with talk about themselves—highlighting their achievements, superiority, and personal life—without showing interest in you or allowing you to speak, it’s worth noting.

Here are a few topics/dating questions you can ask on the first date:

Life goals
Finances
Religion
What really irritates you?
What city do you want to live in?
What do you think of feminism, Black Lives Matter, or any relevant social issue?
What do you think of famous influencers or celebrities?
Movie/show/book recommendations
What do you like about your family of origin? What do you dislike?
Name 1-3 character traits you think people notice about you when they first meet you.
Name 2-3 things that scare you.

Narcissists could either be excessively rude or overly sweet in the first meeting.

Observe how they talk about others when they are being sweet to you. Are they judgmental? Are they patronizing?

Consider how you feel after conversing with them – do you feel drained?

If you’re unable to discern their true nature, give them 2-3 more chances. Eventually, their mask will slip. Until then, avoid oversharing or placing trust in them.

Make an effort to learn more about narcissism.