Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, a need for constant admiration and attention, and a lack of empathy for others. For an in-depth understanding, please read our post on Narcissism.
In this post we are focusing on extended family. We will soon be posting about narcissists in close family systems.
1. Meeting Socially-Low Contact/No Contact
The best way to deal with narcissists is not to deal at all. It may not be practical, especially in family situations in collectivistic cultures. So the next best option becomes low contact.
You may still have to meet them at family functions. You might have to have small talk with them. In those scenarios, keep the conversations extremely superficial. Be as fake as them. Make sure to only show your best to them. Try to look your most beautiful and glowing self (only if you care to make them feel bad and have some fun from that- else don’t bother altogether).
Only attend the family events important to you and skip the rest. If you don’t have a problem with everyone in the family, then this is the best method.
If you skip the events hosted by people you like, try to plan something together after the event.
2. Communicate with them about their behavior (verbally or nonverbally)*
Conditions Apply: Communication may work with some narcissists. This method works best with vulnerable narcissists. If the person has a lot of money/connections or is aggressive, it is better to ignore than confront for your safety/reputation.
Communicate, directly or indirectly, to the Narcissists that you will not tolerate their bad behavior.
Whenever they cross a boundary, make it clear to them that you do not like it. Show them that you are not afraid to confront them.
It is always better to communicate with the narcissist when no one is around. In the presence of other people, Narcissists would only bother to show you in poor light and argue.
It is not advisable to send any angry texts/letters. If you are sending a text/letter, make sure to point out all their bad behaviors. They will most likely share it with others. So mind the language you are using. Use legal language to protect yourself from them misusing the text/letter. Use sarcasm to let out your anger.
Write texts/letters in a way such that any third-person reading will understand the full context. It is better not to leave any proof with them to use against you.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Do not invite Narcissists to your events/celebrations. If necessary, inform them and tell them you are keeping it low-key.
Tell them you are busy or not at home if these people want to visit you. If they drop by unannounced, ask them to call or message you before coming over. If they do not respect that, don’t open the door the next time. You can say you were in the shower or sleeping and did not hear the doorbell.
Don’t entertain their phone calls/texts. Do not attend to their calls/texts immediately. If needed, call them/reply when you have enough energy to tolerate their nonsense.
Block them on all social media. Stay away from their “Family Groups” in social media.
Do not lend/borrow money to/from narcissists.
Remember, narcissistic family members may not always respond positively to boundaries, and they may test your resolve. Stay firm, reinforce your boundaries consistently, and prioritize your emotional well-being throughout the process. Setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-respect and self-care in navigating relationships with narcissistic family members.
4. No news means nothing to judge/manipulate
Do not share any good or bad news with Narcissists. Tell your close family members to not share any information as well.
Ask your close family members to not tag you or share photos of you on social media if the narcissists follow them.
Focus on your achievements and personal growth, independent of the narcissist’s validation. Celebrate your successes and find pride in your accomplishments.
5. Seek Support and Focus on Self-Care
Share your experiences with trusted friends or other family members who understand the situation. Join support groups or seek professional counseling to gain insights and coping strategies.
Be alert when dealing with such people. Be prepared to answer questions on your vulnerabilities /weaknesses beforehand.
Listen to what the narcissist is saying without internalizing their criticism or manipulations. Respond calmly and confidently to their remarks without getting defensive.
Give yourself a break after an event where you are dealing with such people.
Debrief with a trusted friend or therapist after challenging interactions. Talking about your feelings can provide validation and help you process the experience.
Engage in self-care activities that help you de-stress and recharge after challenging interactions with narcissists.
Read more about self-care strategies here.
Narcissists often evoke feelings of guilt and obligation to get what they want. By following these tips, you can resist succumbing to their tactics to some extent.
To understand more about narcissism, refer the links below:
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/narcissism